You never really know someone until you get drunk and wreck their car.

A few people have begun to suspect Paltrow of insanity and criminal depravity.

I created Cabbage Head using only my mind.  He is my tulpa. 

Cabbage Head in one of his drug-induced rages.

I used to go to a self-help group for people with imaginary friends. It was several months before I realized that I was the only person there.

Even Dr. Paltrow wasn't real.

There are about 4 or 5 photos of Prince Charles, Queen Elizabeth, George Bush and Laura Bush in formal attire, all standing in front of the White House after a formal dinner waiting for their limos. They all look totally bizarre as if they were just drinking blood and gorging on flesh.

I am nervous and deeply upset.

Artisan Cheeses Found in the Leadhills Shoppe

• Isle of Mull
• Badentoy Blue
• Swinzie
• Alisa Craig
• Pentland (made in small quantities and not widely available)

They all taste good on crackers or gnawed straight off the counter.

Mother believes I am part of the War-on-Christmas. 

It's the kind of thing that would make Blenn Geck cry.

Immoral and Wrong

One thing that is very immoral and wrong is being kept out of karaoke night at the Houpeton Arms.  Seems the Leadhills Shoppe counterman, Mr. Stupidhead, has been spreading tales about me.  Now the lads and lasses are being deprived of hearing my resonant voice singing "I Will Survive". 

Well, if Mr. Stupidhead is going to treat me like a rat, I'll act like a rat.  Tomorrow I can be found at the Leadhills Shoppe, gnawing on their cheese.  WHO MOVED YOUR CHEESE NOW, BIG GUY?

Question for the Masses

What previous experience have you had with Bigfoot?